March 1, 2020
Out of Control
Growing up there was no one who looked like me in the media. I remember feeling like something had to be wrong with me due to that. I would flip through magazines and not a single plus size model was featured. During my adolescence, I developed a serious eating disorder. I began to feel like I would accomplish nothing in my life unless I was thin. Of course, that goalpost changed every time I lost weight. Anorexia, bulimia, laxatives, excessive fitness, and weight loss pills became the careful combination I held my life together with. It became out of control and unmanageable.
Eventually, I knew I had to change. I wanted to live a full life, so I began to make that a reality. This year marks my seventh year in recovery. When people started telling me to model, I was so surprised. Never had I thought I had a body anyone would want to photograph. One a whim, however, I decided to try it. Never in my life would I have imaged that one day, I would be a signed model. People like to rag on the industry , but it empowered me in a way that nothing else has. It allowed me to take back control of my relationship with my body. I feel like when the universe set me on this journey, it told me, “hold my beer and watch this.”
Every day I wake up and make the commitment to recovery: developing healthy habits and being a role model for people like me. Every day, I wake up and love myself. I have completely transformed my relationship with food, fitness, and how connected I feel with my physical self. I decided I wanted a better life and made it happen. When I model, it gives me courage, so I want to keep doing it forever. Honestly, I wish there had been more models like me when I was younger. Back then, I remember thinking that something was wrong with my body, because there was no one like me out there in the media. Flipping through magazines, I would not see a single plus size model. I want people to see me and think “she’s beautiful and she looks like me.” For me, modeling is not for the money or the attention, but for my younger self. Experiencing what I have, I know so much could have been different in my life if I had known what I’m doing today was possible. My hope is for other women to know that all bodies are beautiful and you ought to love yourself.
Inspired by Ombre Uh’s body positive journey? Click here to read another inspirational story about healing and self acceptance! Make sure to go follow Ombre Uh on social media! She posts a lot of beautiful and inspiring content! You can follow her on Instagram here!
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